Relationship problems...?

hi, i am having a little bit of a relationship problem with my wife. i was looking for a word to describe her but i couldn't find one. well she has little faults that any normal adult would not have. like for example i don't mind washing the dishes but all i ask is that she at least soaks the dishes she uses in water or rinses them off but yet she doesn't. or when it comes to disciplining them (the kids) not to let them (slide) but yet she does. and then the kids ending up not listening or have a lack of (if any) respect for her. they run her over. she is always worried about what everyone else does, says or thinks. i told her what other people do does not pertain to us but it goes in one ear and out the other. i don't wanna use term "you need to grow up" though. i know there is a word to describe these types of people but i cannot for the life of me pinpoint it. i need help to get her to understand that there are certain ways to do things. she thinks i am trying to change who or how she is (i love her as a person) but its not about that. and the word "evolve" or "elevate" really doesn't sum it up. most people just say "tell her to grow up" but i need something a little descriptive than that. i would definitely appreciate any real help i get on this. thanks in advance.